Recently, a thought hit me like a rock dropped on a foot. After years and years of thinking about buying myself luxury items, a nice home, a vehicle, and very nice clothes, I still am not financially able to purchase these things. My current shopping indulgences include books from Walmart, Target, and Amazon, DVDs and going to the movies (Before theaters closed due to Covid-19), and shopping at Bath and Body Works during semi annual sales. Instead of going on vacations to the beach somewhere, I instead spent my time going to local events that I could get to in an hour or less. Even though I would love to go on a shopping spree at a luxury brand boutique or rent a house next to the beach, I couldn’t because it was never in my budget.
Recently, my desire to push myself to shop for luxury items and make plans for a future vacation somewhere got worse. And I had no idea why. Then, it hit me. I wanted to treat (Actually more like indulge and spoil) myself for surviving my illness.
If you are new to my blog, I suffered from an antibiotic resistant infection for many years. In June 2018, I was given a clear bill of health but I still needed to see specialist because of complications associated with the infection. In June 2020, my complications improved so much I was told I could see normal doctors again, such as a primary care physician, instead of the specialists I saw for many years. The amount of money I needed to put towards my medical care dropped substantially and that gave me more money to spend as fun money instead of paying for medical bills.
Although I want to buy myself something special to celebrate the fact I survived being sick for so long and all the complications associated with the infection, I wanted to buy myself something from Chanel, Dior, Louis Vuitton, or a piece of jewelry that I will enjoy owning for years and years to come. The problem is after years of spending money on medical bills, I don’t have much of a savings, which makes affording anything directly from luxury brands such as the ones I previously mentioned impossible. I searched resellers for bags and jewelry in my price range, but thanks to price hikes by the brands due to worries about the current state of the economy, the demand for second hand luxury items is high… meaning there aren’t many items in my price range anymore.
Vacations are also out of the question because of Covid-19. Also, it is very uncertain when I could be able to travel, aside from road trips, because I’m still trying to get used to living my new, healthy life. So, a major trip by plane right now would be dumb at best.
But I still wanted to indulge myself with something special as a commemoration of this important part of my life. And it bothers me more than I’m willing to admit that I still don’t have the money to buy myself something I know I want and will enjoy.
After dwelling on the fact I can’t afford anything I want, nor should I travel anywhere for my personal health and safety, I realized something: I don’t need those things to make this important part of my life important. The reason why I wanted a luxury hand bag or jewelry was some sort of an object that I could associate with this time period for sentimental reasons. As for a vacation, I wanted to show myself that I’m now healthy enough to travel to distant places without needing to worry about my health the way I used to. I don’t need a vacation to prove I’m healthier than I used to be. All I need to do is think about all the things I accomplish in a day and I’ll know then I’m healthier than I used to be. As for a sentimental object, it’s hard for me to for an emotional attachment with an object without it being around when I needed comfort or some other reason why I need to use it. To just buy a Channel classic flap, Christian Dior Lady Dior, or Louis Vuitton’s Speedy 30 is not going to make me happy unless it has a special reason for being in my wardrobe. And as of right now, buying it as an indulgence for myself right now is not going to make me happy.
Although I like quality items and seeing new places and meeting new people, those items are not the kind of indulgence I want to have right now. Instead, I want something simpler. I already have an idea what I want to buy, but I know I will like it and enjoy it way more than anything I used to think I will enjoy buying, owning, or doing around this time of my life. Plus, it’s well within my budget.
Well, that’s all for now! Thank you for reading!
