I’m Changing My Blogging Name… and Why I Decided to Do It
March 16, 2022
This post is copied from Essie of Who, the “sister” blog of The Estella Initiative. I changed certain details in order to make sure it will be consistent with The Estella Initiative, not Essie of Who. Thank you so much for understanding!
Hi everyone! After ten years of blogging on Essie of Who, it’s time for me to change my blogging pen name. If you follow this blog, the sister blog to Essie of Who, then you probably have read a post I wrote last month about breaking ties to the people that live near where I live and certain family members. I did this in order to just talk openly about my frustrations with people. Even though this was as open as I’ve been on my blog about my personal life (And probably ever will depending on what happens in the future and the importance of writing it in a post) I did mention something important about me. I’m called a different name by certain family members and friends of mine.
The reason for this is due to my real name. It’s a wonderful name for anyone who isn’t in my family. Instead, it’s a name that has caused conflicted since I was a child. In order to make sure I knew I was loved and not hated (As that was what I thought about my self growing up), a handful of family members began to call me a different name. The name they picked ended up being Jessica, but they called me either Jesse or Essie for short.
When I started blogging, I was torn about what pen name I should use. I went back and forth about if I should use my real name and a fake last name or something entirely made up. I also seriously debated if I should call myself Jessica, Jesse, or Essie online. I ended up picking my pen name, Mary Ruth Anderson, and using Essie and variations of it (Such as Estella) as my screen name.
This decision was a highly controversial one. Many of the people I knew offline thought I was literally crazy and I needed to seek psychotic help. Now, if you think that was an overreaction, well, so did I. I wasn’t trying to pretend I’m someone new, I just wanted a different name to write a blog and use online without anyone invading my privacy too much if at all. So, when I decided to do this, the overreaction came as a massive surprise. So much so that I needed to cut off ties with those people and others over the next few years.
As for my family members who called me Jesse, they didn’t mind it one bit. Although, they weren’t that happy I used my real first name. For them, they thought it would be best to sever all ties to the name online unless I absolutely needed to. Now that I’m older, I fully agree with them, but back then, I was unsure and needed more time to figure out what was going on in my life and where I’m heading with my blog before I made a decision of that importance.
Since 2018, I began to feel the need to decided if I should keep my real first name as part of my blogging name or not. It wasn’t until this year that I made that decision. And I decided to finally phase out using the blogging and online pen name Mary Ruth Anderson. Instead, I plan on using Jessica, or Jesse, Anderson. I’m not sure if I’ll add a middle name to it in the future, but right now, I love the name as is.
It took me a while to get to this point, when I accepted the name of Jessica, Jesse, and Essie as my own nickname (Blame it on some elementary school bullies and family members that bullied me back then) but I made it. I also think the name Jessica fits my personality better. I don’t know why, but it does. Also, ever since I was small, I always loved learning about space, consultations, and stars in general. The reason is because Essie means star, and I was always reminded of that whenever I saw certain relatives. They wanted me to remember no matter where I go and what I do, I’m still a star. They didn’t mean in the famous sort of way, but in the way that people feel better knowing there is a light shining in the darkness. Growing up, I was that light for many people in my family. And that’s why I think it’s about time to accept and thrive in my nickname openly instead of hide it out of shame that I should’ve never felt.
So, while my name has changed, I’m still me. I still am trying to get my computer set up and learn how to use it. I still sew, draw, and take photographs. And I’m still always worried about what I post online will negatively impact people or paint me as a snob. I’m just doing it under a different, happier name than the one I used to use. Also, it’s a great opportunity to cut off all internet ties to the family members that look down on me because of a name I have no control over or the people who look down on me because I decided to be the same old me online, just under a different name! I can’t run away from them forever, but this is a great way for me to just openly and subtlety draw a line between who they think I am and who I really am.
It may take some time to change all my social media accounts to reflect the name change, but I hope to have it done before the end of the month. (Unless something weird happens again. Then just be patent with me!)