Home Improvements, Cleaning Out Stuff, and Anxiety About Everything in Disarray

Lately, life has been… interesting. Although there isn’t many important moments, it has been a world wind of worry, concern, frustration, anxiety, and a lot of repair work to my house. There are many things that are holding up well in my house, but there are so many other things that need to be worked on quickly.

After months of this, I debated if I should even talk about the problems in a post. Yet, after months of debating if I should or shouldn’t mention anything online, I decided to risk talking a little bit about what’s been going on.

First of all, my house needs help. The interior paint is old and needed to be repainted. I already had plans to do this, but due to things beyond my control, this has taken many months to do. Also, certain parts of the walls have worn down so much the walls now drink up the paint. I was still able to paint them completely, but it took time of waiting for the paint to dry and analyzing it to see if it needed another coat.

In addition to the paint, I also needed to patch holes in the walls. Some of them are just pin holes from hanging Halloween, Christmas, or birthday decorations up, but others are much larger. So, I needed to fill them, wait for them to dry, then start to paint. I know this is normal maintenance for any house, but it seems more overwhelming in my home. Probably because of the amount of painting I need to do in the house.

Other things that needed to be attended to range from fixing home decor I inherited from a relative to changing out three of the windows in the house. (After that was done I need to fill and fix the openings for them. Then I got to paint them. Yay. But the new windows really do help and make a huge difference in the house. And they don’t leak like the old ones used to!)  Yet, after all the work I’ve been doing to the house, there is one that just nags at me: Cleaning out old stuff.

I’m not going to lie, the amount of stuff I have is bad. Not as bad as some that I’ve seen online and in person, but it’s bad for me. The reasons why it got this bad varies, but overall it is caused by the fatigue and pain I used to suffer from years ago. I just didn’t have the energy to move anything. Was I motivated? Yes and I did what I could. Yet, I couldn’t last very long. Today, I’m much stronger and my stamina is much better, but I still wear out. And that’s why cleaning out my old stuff has become the thing I’m the most upset and angry about.

Last night, I began to frantically clean out an area of my house that I’ve been reorganizing and decluttering. I needed to make space for work to begin in the area. Even though I was already in the process of cleaning out the area and getting it organized, the work needs to take place sooner than later. Knowing this has been a real problem for me. I don’t want to have so many things and to be this disorganized, but I am. Times like this makes me feel very overwhelmed. So, I do the only thing I can do: I chip away at it. A little bit at a time.

Working on a house the way I am right now is never easy. (Or cheep) Yet, it needs to get done. If not, then there will be major problems with the house later on down the line. Those repairs will be far more expensive and will be even more frustrating. So, it is better to work on everything right now before anything becomes too much to handle later on.

That’s all for now. Thank you for reading.

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