A Post About My Dog, Friendship, Where I Currently Live, and Belonging Somewhere
April 6, 2021
On March 30, 2021, my dog, Brownie, passed away. Even though she was sick for many months, I always held out hope that her heath would improve, yet it was not meant to be. I’m happy she was my dog and she is in heaven where her health would no longer be a worry anymore.
I am still sad, but the day after she passed away, I looked around my current home and wondered what I should do in my spare time. I work from home and, even though my day job keeps me busy, I have some down time. Usually I spend my down time taking care of Brownie, but now that she isn’t here anymore, I tried to think of something else to do. That’s when it hit me: I don’t have anything to do near where I live.
I do have friends, but they live at least a 45 minute drive one direction away from me. I tried to make friends where I live, but it never worked out. As for attending any sort of events in the area, nothing peaks my interest, especially after the pandemic. There are parks in nearby towns I’d like to visit, but the parks are near agricultural fields that cause my allergies to get worse. The other areas I’d like to visit are either too far away or are so packed with people “social distancing” that it’s not even worth trying to visit.
After thinking about other things I could do, I finally realized it’s probably almost time to seriously consider moving. I talked about moving from my current home many times on this blog, but after Brownie’s passing, it hit me harder than ever that I need to move not only away from my current home, but possibly out of state.
I really liked living in Arizona, but with so many people moving to the state, it’s hard to find an apartment or house that I’d like to own in my budget. Also, my allergies are at their worst in the areas where homes are available, will be available, and/or in my budget. And when it comes to work, I’ll need to get a new job because I cannot continue working my current job if I move. (Even though I work from home, I still need to stay in the area where I currently live in order to do it.)
Even though I had a plan for what to do, I made it without a pandemic and all the problems associated with it. So, now I have no idea what to do.
Fortunately, I have great friends that, even though we live quite a distance away from each other, we still try to keep in contact with each other. They have been my support group during Brownie’s illness and after her death. I also found out many within my friendship circle that have dogs named Brownie passed away in March, with my Brownie being the last Brownie to pass away. Knowing we’re going through the same thing at the same time has been both hard and comforting. And they too feel the same way about finding a place to live in Arizona, allergies, and jobs. All of us are trying to look for a new place to focus our house hunting and job hunting efforts and, if everything works the way we hope they will, we will move together to the new state. We won’t live in the same home, but we hope to move together and live much closer to each other than we currently do.
I am afraid of this new chapter in my life, but I know it must happen. It also makes me so sad to know my Brownie, or any of my friend’s Brownies, will not be moving with us, but now there is nothing holding us, or me, back from moving. I know outside of Arizona there are jobs I want and am qualified to do that pay much higher than I currently am being paid. Also, there are chances for freelance work in areas I would like to work in, which really peaks my interest in moving out of state.
I don’t know where I’m going, or when I’m going to move, but I know it probably should happen this year. I really don’t fit in where I live, I can’t find a job that pays well or a job in the area I want to work in near where I live, and finding a home in Arizona without a huge sum of cash is impossible now. Since things are so uncertain, I’ll refrain from writing posts about buying homes, home items, and other topics associated with homes, jobs, and moving. I’ll still talk about everything else I usually talk about on this blog, but for now, I’d like to focus on trying to figure out what my plan is for moving, getting a job, and other life things without talking about them online. If I feel comfortable talking about them, I will, but right now I want some privacy to figure out were my life is heading and mourn for my Brownie and all the Brownies that passed away this past month.