A Missed Birthday and How I Changed Since My Relative Passed Away

Earlier this week was the birthday of one of my relatives. This relative passed away in 2016 and I took care of them for many years prior to their passing. Since they passed away, I began to fully grasp how hard it was on me to take care of them and how much of my youth was spent taking care of them.

For many people, they would say that having the opportunity to spend so much time with a dying relative is something they wouldn’t trade for the world. I always imagined I would be one of those people. In the last few months of their life, all that changed. I discover information about them that shocked me and rocked me to my core. It made me question a lot of things I believed to be true and if I should’ve been dealing with my relative in a different way. It also made me question the motives, opinions my relatives had of me, and made me realize how physically ill I was and how it impacted how well I took care of them.

Normally on my relative’s birthday I would be focusing on things that would distract me from them. I would read books, watch movies, or travel places I wanted to go that my relative didn’t want to go. In other words, I would spend time doing anything that made me happy. This year I couldn’t go or do anything because of issues with my vehicle. To be honest, it wasn’t a big deal because something else happened to me: I forgot my relative’s birthday.

Forgetting someone’s birthday is always a horrible thing. And yet, in 2024, I forgot their birthday. Since their birthday was a serious event, from the moment I realized I forgot their birthday, I seriously struggled with this. They aren’t alive anymore and this year was not a good year to bother making a special event for myself. So why is it a big deal to not do anything and even forget about their birthday?

Well, I think I was actually celebrating their birthday by doing things I enjoy. It was hard taking care of them, so I wanted to take the day off to treat myself. Yet, just like with anyone’s birthday, some years don’t turn out the way you want them to. So, that day isn’t as “special” as the others.

The day of my relative’s birthday was a good day. It had its downs, mostly due to my vehicle acting up, but it wasn’t so bad. It was ok. Looking back, there were a lot of moments when something frustrating or annoying happened. This took my mind off thinking about what day it is. I was also so focused on everything that was happening in my life that I forgot to look at any calendar or anywhere I would put a reminder about birthdays in. I wonder if this was God’s way of redirecting my focus from the sadness that the day brings me into focusing on my own life. Since I spent so much time growing up and into adulthood taking care of my relative, I didn’t have time or any chance to actually focus on my life and deal with all the problems life has in it.

I am still confused about what to make about the odd events (Because they were odd) that happened on that day. Yet, I can see the good in them. They weren’t good things, but they were easily fixed and some were more annoying than really serious. It also gave me the opportunity to open my eyes to what kind of life I live and how well I live it. I always second guess my choices and compare myself to others who didn’t have a relative that required so much care. Especially while they were sick with a serious illness themselves. Today, I see I am starting to shift my focus off how “delayed” I am in adulthood and how I was able to advance in such a short amount of time. I’m doing much better that I ever imagined I would be!

That’s all for now! Thank you for reading!

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